Ive had a lot of folks ask about flowers etc ... and tonight I spoke with Soshana, she lives near Silverhawk, and said she would go to the funeral and represent PAS, which I thought was an incredible thing for her to do.
As soon as Red finds out when that is and where, etc, then we will work with Soshana and she said she would be happy to get flowers, and have PAS members volunteer to reimburse her thru paypal (another incredible offer).
As for tonight's event, I cant be there, but I would hope whoever has time to lead the event can ask everyone for a moment of silence before the 9pm cdt treasure hunts in remembrance of Silverhawk.
I thought I would be able to be there, but I cant, Ive sat here the last 30 minutes trying to get back ingame to do something, and I just cant do it.
I need tonight off UO.
No one except a very few PAS that I told today know what happened to me at Silverhawks age. So here goes ... I was 15 yrs old, and one of my best friends offered to drive myself and 2 friends home from a party. The older friend had a license and all, and wasnt drunk, it wasnt a drinking party, but I knew he was a wreckless driver from his bragging about it.
My parents had talked to me about 3 months earlier, and I remember my dad saying "dont get into a car with a driver thats impaired or wreckless". He went on to tell me that no matter where I was, what time it was, I should call him for a ride instead.
So I made an excuse that my mom was coming later to get me after shopping, and they drove off. I walked the neighborhood, too embarassed to go back to the party house and ask to use the phone ... and luckily the first neighbor let me use his phone, and my dad came and got me, no questions asked, as he promised.
The next day at school we got word that all 3 of my friends were killed in a car wreck on the way home, and that hit me real hard. I started thinking to myself that I should have stopped those other 2 friends from going in that car, and for about 6 months I felt just awful guilt that I let my friends die.
Through a lot of discussions with a lot of people, I realized that I couldnt control what happened that night, and I needed to focus on the fact that I had a second chance at life that they didnt have.
So today when I heard she was in that wreck, I got all the guilt and the memories rushing thru my head, and to make it rougher, I thought about what if this were Katie (my 15 yr old daughter).
When Red passed word that Silverhawk had passed away, that really hit hard again, as it has others in PAS.
To add one more dimension to this, those of u who have been PAS Elders for a long time know that I call all the kids in PAS "My PAS kids" ... I have always tried to protect them from things ingame, in vent, in alliance chat, etc ... I see each of them as my kid, and they all hold a special place in my heart.
To lose one today just topped it all off for me.
But ... being the eternal optimist that I am, I am trying to stay focused on some things .....
1. Instead of being PAR last night, I trusted Red's judgement and put Silverhawk straight into PAS. She was a full blooded PAS when this happened, and I think she really loved being with us last night. I'm glad she was in PAS when this happened.
2. Silverhawk had a huge family added to her last night ... PAS ... and with so many awesome people in this guild to call family, I feel very good about the fact that she got the chance to come along with us ingame last night and had fun.
I'm taking tonights event off and staying in RL, I know u all understand .... and Ill be back on tomorrow, and every day thereafter that I can.
Sorry if I bring anyone down about this, because u know how upbeat I normally am. But I wanted u guys to know why I am gonna go hug my kids, watch some tv with them, and remind them a hundred times about a hundred things they should never do *smiles*.
Cya all tomorrow!
KD