They walk among us...

[Lord Drakelord]

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower."
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.”
He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two."
We haven't used Sears repair since.


IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, "You gave me too much money."
I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back."
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.


IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman, KS


IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City


IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.


IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS


IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.


IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE

[AshOfCaine]

Ok, a few of those hit really close to home (or rather work).

Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."

This happened to me in sorts, have a drink with co-worker from a company I was fired from, the site manager joined and walked in and shook my hand saying "man, been a while since seen you!" I calmly raised my beer and replied, "That's cause you fired me A-----". He sunk in his chair and quickly excused himself and ran out of there.

Ok this one happened at my current job.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life

I am in charge of all equipment and all moving of equipment is supposed to go through me. But the blessed idiots decide they know better and move an entire production line on the orders of their even more blessed manager. After 6 hours of down time they finally have to call me out to fix it cause 'it just suddenly stopped working'. I took one look, unplugged the series of powerstrips that were plugged back into each other and plugged them into an outlet.

Almost as bad as my real life who's on first routine trying to get a problem description.

Them - "Computer's not working"
Me - "What's the problem you are having?'
Them - "It's broken"
Me - "Well, why do you say it's broken?"
Them - "It's not working."
Me - "Yes, we established that, but I need to know if anything caused it to stop working."
Them - "It broke"
Me - "Yes, we covered that, I need to know when you first noticed it was 'broken'"
Them - "When it stopped working."
Me - "What happened when it stopped working?"
Them - "It broke.'
Me (covering the mouth piece of the phone to bar tender) - "I am going to need another round, quickly!"
Me (back to employee) - "Can you tell me anything besides it broke?"
Them - "It's not working."
Me - "Is it on fire?"
Them - "Huh?"
Me - "You know fire, smoke and very hot."
Them - "No, why would you ask that?"
Me - "Well, that would be a reason it was broke wouldn't it?"
Them - "No, it turns on and runs with no smoke."
Me - "It turns on? Then it isn't broke."
Them - "Sure it is, keeps saying it can't save my file the disk is full, so it's broke."
Me - "Your trying to save to a USB drive aren't you?"
Them - "Yes, how did you know?"
Me - "It certainly wasn't from anything you said. Now go and delete all the MP3s or pictures you aren't supposed to have and then save your file."
Them - "But then how can i listen to my music?"
Me - "At this rate I would say over a loud speaker in the waiting room at the unemployment office. By the way, what was your name?"
Them - (click)

That is the horror of my job. Hopefully will be coming to an end shortly as I put in for a transfer to another department.

[Irwin Hunter]

I love being in this guild... You guys actually give me reason to smile every so often.

[wild flower]

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, "You gave me too much money."
I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back."
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

My mother in law actually did this recently at Walmart. Even after the manager came over and couldn't figure it out she had to take the quarter back and just accept the change. Crazy

[Big Bertha]

Now you know why Bri works at Mickey D's and I don't.

[Lord Drakelord]

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed honoring the least evolved among us.

Here are the glorious winners:

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his imcompentence, the driver went to the nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the young man told them he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. It seems an Arkansas man wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder (concrete) block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. He lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the purse snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. He replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to fine a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Beware: They walk among us!!!